Terrible Foods We’ve Tried During the Coronavirus Lockdown

Cast your mind back to a long, long time ago, when the threat of being stuck in the house for weeks on end was merely a threat. In order to be prepared, I stocked up on less-perishable food items, including snack foods for comfort. Here’s one I found at Costco: Crispy Cauliflower. Hey, I figured, we all like cauliflower! Maybe these will be good!

They’re not. They’re awful. They’re terrible. They’re spit it out and wash your mouth out and dig the bits out of your teeth terrible! Imagine leftover cooked cauliflower five days in the fridge, but crisp. Why would anyone market something like that? Augh. I hope this company makes other, tastier stuff, because relying on this as a marketing plan would be a recipe for disaster.* I wish them well, but not this product.

Here’s another one, and I say this sadly as a dedicated lover of Oatly Oat Milk. Truly, we drink Oatly all the time, and I miss it if I can’t mix it with dairy milk in my coffee. Unfortunately, Oatly ice cream (second ingredient: coconut oil) tastes nothing like oat milk. In fact, it tastes like nothing quite so much as hardened lubricating oil, with an aftertaste of generic chemical.* We each ate a few bites—and then, wishing that we hadn’t, threw the rest of it away. Allysen flashed back to many years ago, when we tried Tofutti ice cream, a vegan smart-bomb targeted at unsuspecting tofu lovers.*

I don’t want to end on a downer, so let me just praise to the skies this other Oatly product, Barista Edition Oatmilk! Love the stuff!