How an Election Is Like a Colonoscopy

I’m being only partly facetious. I participated in the one, earlier today, and I started the prep for the other this evening. (I’ve just finished drinking my third bottle of generic Drano.* And when did this turn into a three-day ordeal, instead of two-day?) Now I’m waiting to learn how it all turns out, on both counts.
*By which, of course, I mean magnesium citrate.

Most people over the age of 50 in the U.S. know what fun it is to clear out your system in preparation for—as the alien in the movie Paul put it—”probin’ time.” About as much fun as the twelve months of campaign noise, idiotic commentary, vicious back-and-forth attacks, and robocalls in preparation for a major election.

So now I’m sitting here feeling queasy from the noxious liquids I just drank, and queasy from watching the election returns, especially as I watch the numbers go up for the candidates I don’t like. My daughter, who just voted in her first presidential election, came to me a little while ago, and asked, “How do you get through it? How can you stand waiting to find out?” (There are some candidates she really wants to see win. I’m with her.)

Colonoscopy-wise, I still have to get through tomorrow, on a liquid-only diet, so I can have the completely painless procedure done on Friday. (I’ve done it before. The probin’ itself is nothing, once you’ve gotten through the prep.) By then, I hope, the waiting for the election results will all be over. Unless, of course, it’s in the courts.

Just to be serious for a moment, don’t anyone think I’m running down the right to vote. I’m not. It’s sacred, and I’ve voted in every election I could vote in, since I turned 21 (I think that was still the voting age, back when the rocks were cooling). I sincerely hope all of you voted today, if you were eligible to. (Also, I hope you get your colonoscopy when your doc tells you to. You know why.)

Just for the record, I’m pulling for Obama to win. And Warren for the Senate in Massachusetts.

Addendum: What do you know! Almost everyone I voted for won. This may be a first! Thanks for voting, everyone!