Never attempt to make coffee before you have had your coffee.
Cheap Thrills
posted in: personal news, quirky
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Odometer on our Ford Fusion, yesterday…
I like this one, too…
I’m a lot of fun on a date!
My New Theremin
posted in: music, personal news, quirky
1
The other day, I turned 47—or maybe it was 74—I have selective dyslexia around this question. My loving family gave me something I’ve always wanted: a theremin! So I can make sounds like in Forbidden Planet (although apparently that movie, to my amazement, did not actually have theremin music). Well, maybe like The Day the Earth Stood Still. (Here’s a studio session with the theremin.) Or maybe I’ll even learn to make music. My wife never goes halfway on this sort of thing, so she researched and researched until she found the best theremin for a beginner, top quality, of course. This is a Moog Theremini, nicely portable and with all kinds of audio features, from the makers of the original Moog Synthesizer.
I don’t know how to play it yet. I mean, I can make spooky sounds, which is very cool. For now, I’ll promise to post a video in the future when I can do something interesting. Maybe an orchestral piece, like Once Upon a Time in the West.
Meanwhile, I’ll leave you with a little Pink Floyd on theremin.
F&SF, Best of the Year (German 1981)
posted in: downsizing, environment, personal news, quirky, short stories
0
I’ve found a lot of things I wasn’t looking for, going through my office closet and filing cabinets. Foreign editions I’d forgotten about, or thought I’d lost, for example. One such was a single copy of this Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, Best of the Year (German translation edition, published in 1981). Why did I even have this? I opened to the table of contents.
Right there at the top was my story, “Seastate Zero.” I had completely forgotten about this. It’s the only story of mine ever selected for a “best of the year” collection, and it was in German, and I’d forgotten about it. Holy cow, the memory is a tricksy beast. I can’t read it, of course, it being in German (and despite my allegedly having studied German as an undergraduate). Anyway, congratulations, self! Good job! Take a break!
The story was translated from the January 1978 U.S. edition of F&SF! Here’s what that issue looked like…
“Seastate Zero” is an underwater tale, an environmental warning of the hazards of ocean oil operations. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s a pretty credible foreshadowing of the Deep Water Horizons oil rig disaster of 2010. If you’d like to read the story in English, it’s included in my ebook story collection, Reality and Other Fictions, and also in the Audible edition of the same book.
Teddy Bear on Mars!
How cool is this? Natural phenomenon (almost certainly), or feature drawn by aliens (wouldn’t that be great)? You tell me.
More info: https://www.space.com/mars-teddy-bear-face-hirise
Revenge of the Squirrels?
posted in: personal news, quirky, Star Trek
0
I can’t prove it’s the squirrels. But the lights in the tree in front of our house mysteriously stopped working last week. I say mysteriously, because they all went out at once. Sure, you say, the power went off, or a fuse blew, or a wire broke. Maybe. But the power is not out. I isolated the first string from the bottom, and it no longer works. But even with it cut out, neither do the rest of the lights. I isolated the second string from the bottom, and it no longer works. But neither do the rest of the lights. Whaat? At that point I got cold and stopped trying. I laid out a little circle of (different) lights on the ground under the tree, just to have something.
I cannot prove this was the work of squirrels. But they have the means, and the motive. (Sharp teeth, and we forcibly evicted their people from the property last year.) Coincidence?
As Kahn said to Kirk, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” I think the squirrels have been watching too much Star Trek.
Generically Yours
posted in: personal news, quirky
4
A few weeks ago, I paid a parking ticket online, through my town’s website. The town thoughtfully sent me an email acknowledging receipt. It began, earnestly and sincerely, “Dear GENERIC CUSTOMER…”
I feel goosebumps just remembering the warmth of the reply, enhanced as it was, by modern software design.
What’s your favorite memory of deeply personal public service?
Royalty Audit (Dog Fashion)
Captain Jack likes to go over my royalty statements for accuracy and clarity. Here’s what he thought of a recent one for Alien Speedway.* Fortunately, he didn’t audit the actual check. Still, this is a good argument for direct deposit.
It could have been McDuff. But I don’t think so.
He has also taken to chewing up bills. I’ve told him that you can’t get rid of bills that way, but I don’t think he believes me.
*The typical publisher royalty statement does not suffer much in clarity from being torn to shreds. They tend to be masterpieces of obfuscation even without the mastication.
Cheap Thrills
posted in: personal news, quirky
0
The Mothership odometer. Some of us are easily entertained.
The Time I Shared a Death Scene with Ian McKellen
posted in: personal news, quirky, The Lord of the Rings
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No, really. I am not making this up. I once shared a theater stage in London with Ian McKellen (yes, that Ian McKellen) for a wrenching death scene. And me with so much to live for! Allysen died, too. It was tragic. I was reminded of this occasion by a panel I was on recently at Boskone, talking about The Lord of the Rings film.
This all happened long before Ian McKellen was Gandalf. In fact, until that evening, I had never heard of Ian McKellen. I think the year was probably 1986 or 1987, not too long after Allysen and I were married. We were visiting with her parents in London, and they treated us to a one-man show by some fellow named Ian McKellen, a Shakespearean actor of some note, we were told, but you couldn’t prove it by me. I remember almost nothing about the show, except that it was surprisingly good. I think he acted scenes from various Shakespeare plays he had been in. And then…
For a close, he invited members of the audience—anyone who wanted to come down—to join him on stage for one final performance. Allysen was out of her seat before he’d finished the invitation, and I said, “You’re not leaving me behind.” I think about thirty of us joined him on the stage. He gave us very explicit acting directions: We were to stand still and do nothing until his monologue came to a certain phrase (which I no longer remember). This we did, quite ably, I think. (Damn, we were good. It was a fight scene, too.) And when he spoke that phrase, we swung into action…
And fell down, dead. All of us.
To thunderous applause. Mr. (not yet Sir) McKellen thanked us graciously for our service and sent us back to our seats.
Little did I know that I had just shared the stage with Gandalf!